The most outrageous thing in the world happened.

It has been about a month since the election. The world is still reeling from the shock of Donald Trump being the President-Elect. What the fuck happened? I know I am not alone in feeling this: The night of the election, at first I watched, excited about Hillary being voted the first female President. The polls had been telling us that was sure to be the outcome, right? Not too far into the election results coverage, things started looking a little alarming. But I told myself, don’t worry, many of the blue states haven’t been counted yet. Then, things started looking really alarming. I started having the first thoughts of, Oh shit, what’s happening here?

I still have the text from my Mom from that night so I know what time it was when the reality of Trump winning was inevitable. Around midnight, she said that she couldn’t bear to watch any more, and that I was incredibly brave to keep watching. But less than an hour later, I went to bed too. I couldn’t bear to hear them announce that Trump had won the election. I went to sleep praying that maybe a miracle would happen while I was sleeping. The next morning, I woke up and turned on the TV and confirmed that the unthinkable had happened. I was so heartbroken, and shocked, and actually, devastated….that day, I didn’t get out of bed until 1 pm. I never, ever stay in bad past about 9 am.

For the first week, I remained in deep shock and despair and grief. How, HOW, HOW did this happen! It just can’t be true. How could this rude, offensive, uneducated, bigoted wind bag,  pervert  who I’m sure jerked off after every rally because he was so enamored with himself, become POTUS?

I took to Facebook to express my outrage and grief, and saw that hundreds of thousands, even millions of people are just as outraged as me. We all said it felt like 9-11. Somehow, it did. It was the day our country and Democracy died. I have received two serious and very scary death threats on FB since the election, for speaking my mind about Trump. A person that I have been friends with for 35 years unfriended me on FB when I wrote a post that I would never support Trump.

So I happen to be sitting on my couch this very moment watching a dictatorship in progress. Even as I’m writing this, I got a popup from the Washington Post that Trump picked yet ANOTHER Wall street exec for his Cabinet. I wonder when Trump supporters are going to figure out they got the biggest con of their lives–he is already flaunting it in their faces.

I plan to go and protest in Washington on Inauguration day. I have signed countless petitions, for recounts, for the Electoral College to not vote for Trump, which was an eye opener in itself. I actually got back several automated and one not automated responses from different Electors which all essentially said, fuck you, Hail Trump! I have expressed my anger and outrage as much as I can without just annoying the hell out of everyone.

Yet this morning, I woke up with an ever bigger feeling of outrage than ever. This is the most outrageous thing that has ever happened in my life. And I have seen plenty of outrageous things. I just can’t swallow the deep sense of anger, disgust, and fear that I live with every day now. I’m doing as much activism as I can. But it’s not stopping this horror movie in progress…I have heard a lot of people say they feel like it’s a nightmare and when they wake up maybe it will all be better. I feel the same.

I think Americans got much too complacent about freedom and democracy–so somehow this traitor to America slipped in the most powerful gate in the world. Everything I write online, like this, I think someday if Trump does manage to destroy our freedoms, these very words could come back to bite me. But like the White Rose society in Hitler’s Germany wrote in one of their famous leaflets, “We will not be silenced! We are your worst conscience! The White Rose will not leave you in peace!” I will continue to speak out. I don’t care if someone is offended by my words. I am offended that 40 million people voted for the biggest, stinking bag of feces named Donald Trump. Most likely I will be moving to Central America within a year or less. I was born there, and although I am a naturalized U.S. citizen, I have dual citizenship and I’m going to use it.

I won’t stop fighting once I’m there–I’ll fight even harder. But I just can’t stay here and watch Americans let Trump hijack our country and all of the good and right things we stand for. Hopefully someday I can come back to my beloved country. But I won’t as long as it is run by fascists.

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